The Greatest Gift Upon Death

Part one in a series regarding death, assets and trusts.

Death – gotta deal with it. Morose, you say? Not at all. It’s reality.

We’re all born, we die, we pay taxes. Not necessarily in that order.

Each time I learn of a person’s death, whether it be one I know or through a friend of mine, I’m reminded death is imminent. Even young people are not exempt. Newsflash, I know, yet most are afraid to confront death. 

The Greatest Gift

When Mom died sixteen months ago, I had no idea how much I would appreciate the greatest gift she gave. Not a house, estate, specific asset, clothing or rare books. It was her trust, her written instructions of her DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) her completed plan and pre-paid cremation. It was her gift of peace. 

Before Mom died, death played little part in my life. My grandparents passed away years ago, that experience a further distance from one’s own parent. I am in a quandary whilst dealing with another family member, not knowing for certain what their plan is. It’s causing anxiety in me. The anxiety stems from little to no cooperation, the hesitation from the family member to share pertinent  information which is necessary  to help them. Why such hesitancy? How much does fear reflect inaction?  If not for the recent experience of Mom’s death, there would be less anxiety, as I now under understand, fully, completely the significance of her gift. 

 Expect the Unexpected

It was brought to my attention today at my weekly meeting that a colleague’s neighbor passed away last night, completely unexpected. In addition, he was young (mid-forties) and not married though lived for years with his girlfriend. Evidently, no will, trust in place. Of course this is all hearsay, though got me thinking a lot about Mom’s death and my own mortality. 

While married, my husband and I were on the ball regarding a trust. As one was put together for my dad-in-law, he and I wasted no time having the attorney do one for us as well. At the time (almost 10 years ago) I didn’t hesitate having it done, yet didn’t see the value either. As parents of younger kiddos at the time, hubby and I weren’t gonna leave this earth anytime soon. But it made sense at the time, mostly due to simple default: almost a two-for-one. 

Recently divorced, I shall begin the process of having a new trust written up in my own name. No longer dependent on my ex-husband to proceed with such matters, I’m awake, paying attention and taking note of my life – and my death. My children, both adults now, will not be put in a precarious place upon my death. They will experience my death though they will also experience my gift – the gift of peace, protection and love. 

One not need be an old person to confront death. I find the more I deal with this subject straight on, fear diminishes. 

How prepared are you for your loved one’s death? Are they prepared or do they need your assistance? Are you having difficulty helping them confront their own mortality or even discussing the subject of death in general?  Help and resources abound. Where to turn, whom to trust?

Next time, resources and different options in confronting loved one’s regarding death.   

Awesome Senior Rummage Sale

Rummage Sale at Rita’s Treasure Chest!

Please join Rita and Friends from Orange Senior Center for their Spring Rummage Sale! 

Held 2 days, Friday May 17th & Saturday May 18th – 8:00am – 1:30pm

Orange Senior Center

170 S. Olive  Orange 92866

Remember all proceeds got right back into the Orange Senior Center. I’ll be there both days so come on by, say hello and thanks for supporting our Orange seniors! 

Selling Mom’s House and Growing Up

In the throes of prepping a house to sell, always a bit daunting. After my Mom’s death January 2012, her house isn’t the same. My brother and I made the deliberate decision to leave everything of hers “as is” weeks after she died – moving toward week six, eventually gaining the emotional energy to begin a new transition – from Connie’s home to Connie’s Trust.

Connie’s Place, Circa Jan 2012

Connie gave my brother and I the gift of all gifts a parent can give their children – a living trust. That’s not the focus of this post, though relevant for a number of reason, some of which I’ll share another time. That said, nothing quite prepares a kid (even middle-aged ones) for the death of a parent. Whatever age, growing up takes on a new life of its own.

Connie’s Place, Circa Jan 2012

To understand her death is to understand her life. She LOVED her house. I mean, the woman truly loved where she lived – Newport Beach, CA. Far from the east coast shore the Jersey girl grew up in, she found her west coast rendering of the shore in the early 70s years after my parents moved west.

Upon my parents divorce in 1972, going back to work as a newbie real estate agent, the single mom of two young kids scratched and saved every penny, first purchasing a 6 unit apartment building on the peninsula right between 10th and 11th streets on Balboa Blvd. Selling the apartments five years later, Mom and a friend, pooling their financial resources, together bought a 1933 bungalow on West Bay Ave. Ten years later, in 1988, buying her friend out, the entire property was newly titled in Connie’s name only – an incredible accomplishment considering she did most of it on her own.

Which brings us to today, the year 2013. After months of deep conversation, lot of thought through the tears, my brother and I have decided to sell Mom’s beloved home. Has not come easily; mixed emotions, of course. Grateful Mom left her gift of a trust, it’s increasingly expensive living in Newport  (currently we both reside on Mom’s property – he in the main house, me in unit behind, an apartment upstairs) In addition, my brother and I are heading down our own individual paths moving forward.

Never having had the experience of coping with the death of a parent until last year, all of this is still new, unexplored, a bit unsettling and at times, overwhelming. Are we doing the right thing? Should we sell now or wait longer? As a real estate professional myself, the challenge lies in remaining pragmatic, not the easiest when the emotional ties lie within the lathe and plaster of a structure.

My Hero

She’s gone, yes, though I find I talk to her much more these last few weeks;  the need to find the right buyer, asking her to share her wisdom and indelible capacity to use that amazing common sense of hers. Her main wish for my brother and I was to experience just five minutes of peace (her wonderful Jersey accent and sarcasm) in one form or another. Ultimately, her gift, a home she worked so hard to attain and keep, her children, now given the opportunity to do with it what would be best for us. She stressed over the never-ending house payments, property taxes, changes throughout the city, the growing number of people visiting Newport each summer, trash left in the alley and litter on the sand. Despite these issues, despite she could have sold during the peak of the market, make more than enough dollars to retire much earlier than she did, Connie wasn’t going anywhere. Point in fact, she’s still here. I have no idea what it’ll feel like when the house sells yet  I’ll always feel closest to her on the beach. Difference now, I’m a little more grown up.

OC Home Fair

The first annual OC Home Fair at Chapman University.

Saturday March 23rd  9:00am to 4:00pm

During this wacky time in a real estate market riddled with myths, assumptions and a great deal of media hype, please come join our brokerage, TopBroker Network Real Estate this Saturday and get educated. They’ll be other vendors to answer questions pertaining to all things real estate as well as seminars and speakers. It’s all free and open to the public!

For more information, here’s the official link from Chapman University’s website with schedule of events, seminars, details for parking, etc.

OC Home Fair

Cheers!

 

Learning From Community

Wake Up to Experience: Sometimes it can hit you right in the ass without even knowing it.

As I began my walk yesterday, an old woman, much smaller than a young child approached me on the trail. I quickly learned she was the one responsible for putting this beautiful walking trail along the highway, a place for thousands of walkers, runners, cyclists, strollers and canines. Her name is Florence. Easily giving up my brisk walk, I found myself in Florence’s experience, soaking up her attitude, putting aside my own sadness awhile (having a rough day), open to learn.

At 95 years old, her physical pain, in agony many days, there Florence stood in the middle of the trail. Her tiny face, engulfed by immense sunglasses, a bright smile looked up and said “good morning to you!” She spoke of her meandering trail, how she wanted the community to have a safe place to walk, went to the county, fought to build a respite for others to enjoy. I walked her home, around the corner from where we stood, though this was no jaunt. Each step taken, her newly acquired three prong cane in hand, deliberate care, with consciousness, she and I eventually made it to her home of 30 years. She spoke of her life, her “unusual” husband she adored, her beautiful children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren. More than anything else, she wanted to show me what she called, her “wicked triplets.”  As if I could possibly pass up something like this? Not likely.

Three ginormous cards stand on her sofa, her “wicked triplets”; an homage to Florence from a community who reached out after her precious bronze plaque had been stolen March of 2012. Gathering funds, new plaque replaced, those grateful to one woman who made a difference in their community. Her pride, well-founded, her gratitude admired.

“Wicked Triplets”

Pay attention to experience, pay attention to community. We may not understand or realize its significance at the time, yet do not dismiss what is to be learned. For years I have walked that trail, never meeting Florence until yesterday. I put myself out there in life for this reason alone – to learn from the collection of people I encounter.  The “Florence’s” in life remind me I am but a small part of this great universe. Gratitude begets, trumps everything else. Compassion must come before love, for it is in compassion where love reigns.