Dementia, Seniors and Selling a House: Where to Begin?

Begin where it matters: your parents needs. 

Having dealt with the difficult decision of whether or not to move my dad-in-law from his home, aside from the question of when, eventually the decision was based on what was best for dad more than any other reason. After he’d fallen once, several months before moving out, this was a great indicator of concerns to come. Granted, dad had dementia. It had progressed and his needs were more pronounced than seniors who show no signs of memory issues. This in mind, and in my experience with dad as well as other clients I’ve helped, here are questions to consider before making the decision of moving mom and/or dad from their home to an alternate senior residence, such as independent senior apartments or assisted living. 

  • Has your loved one been assessed by a geriatric doctor, someone who specializes in dementia? What was the outcome? Was a driver’s license in question or taken away?
  • Does your loved one live alone or with someone else? If living with someone, is that person able to care for your loved one or do they too, need assistance from time to time?
  • What is the condition of the home? Is it safe? Can your loved one cook? Should they be near a kitchen stove or do they forget to turn it off after using? Are there ample grab bars throughout the home? How much is your loved one able to care for him or herself without assistance of any kind?
  • What are your financial options? What kinds of financial resources do you or your family have? What resources can you use to care for your parent(s) if you should decide they remain home or move?
  • How are they socially? Do they enjoy the company of others, activities or would they perhaps be more comfortable in a living environment with less stimulus?
  • What are the current rental prices in your neighborhood? Could your parent(s) move, keep the house and use rental income to cover part of the cost for assisted living? Should they consider selling at all?
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Dad in front of his house a few years before moving to assisted living. 🙂

 

I know there’s a lot to think about. And no two people or circumstances are alike. Dementia is an umbrella term; there are many types, some more progressive than others. With dad, he plateaued a long time – very few serious signs emerged for several years. Nonetheless, keeping in tune with his behavior, spending time doing activities, going places, sharing life with him helped understand and see when those serious signs appeared. In the meantime, we were able to do the research and gain information necessary for when the day came he needed to move out of his house.

Before making the important decision whether or not to sell your parents’ house while dealing with dementia, my hope is you seek the help you need. Please use the resources available to you, be it Alzheimer’s Association or other community resources in the particular county you live in. Look for various senior resources above in the menu under the title called “Senior Real Estate:  Advocacy”.  And I’m always available to help. Contact me anytime. Know that you need not make difficult decisions by yourself. Your parents are in caring hands.

Buying a House: Just Like Getting Married, It’s All In The Prep

Here’s the skinny on buying a house in today’s market. It’s not neurosurgery though to purchase a home right now takes a lot of preparation. Kind of like a finding the right partner for a successful marriage. Stay with me.

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There are 3 stages to the home buying process:

  1. Finding a home.
  2. Negotiating the contract.
  3. Get through the escrow process

Just as there are 3 stages to getting married: 

  1. Find a partner.
  2. Negotiate the relationship.
  3. Get married. 

Get Qualified

Talk to a lender. Talk to a few lenders. Find out what programs are available for your specific needs.  Talk to your partner. How qualified is that partner for your specific needs? Your offer is much more likely to be seriously considered by a seller if you’ve done your due diligence and proper homework completed before even beginning the search. Have that pre-qualified letter handy. Email to your agent, in fact. They’ll keep it in their file for you, usually good for 3 months.  And might even want to write a personal letter to the seller too, reasons why you’d be the perfect buyer. Sellers like knowing a prospective buyer is human.

Interview Agents

Not all agents are from the same ilk. Again, kinda like finding the right partner. Some bond easier than others. You think you’ll marry the first one who asks you out? Perhaps. For the Realtor, ask a lot of questions. Don’t skimp. Ask why he is the best agent for your particular needs? How well does he know the hood? What will he do during the process of a search other agents may or may not do? How does the agent feel about where she hangs her license? Is she ‘eh’ about her company or stand by and share their philosophy? What is an agent’s philosophy? Why is the sky blue and what does it take to get a returned phone call response to my voicemail? Things like that.

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Unlike preparing for marriage, the term timely manner is at one’s discretion. Since this website sticks to matters of real estate, we’ll save a marriage blog post elsewhere.  For a real estate transaction today, motivation to get paperwork done in a timely manner remains paramount to getting an offer accepted. Depending on how motivated a buyer is, get all that fun paperwork done before your search. Have it ready in hand or online, give to your agent of choice and feel the anticipation of a possible acceptance. Maybe, just maybe, the seller will say YES. 

Transforming Family Thru Real Estate

La familia, real estate and a trust: what to do, what to do?

There’s ample reason for taking time in making big decisions after a loved one dies. Upon the death of Mom a year and a half ago, first thoughts of what to do with her house: gut the kitchen, new granite tops, tile floor – the intention was to rent it out, make the most of what Mom worked so hard for and keep her legacy alive at the beach.

Mom's House: Circa 1933
Mom’s House: Circa 1933

Let’s face it, beach house + tenants = goldmine, yes? Not so fast, landlord. Time has a way of teaching different perspectives.
Though it seemed logical to keep the beach house for numerous financial and emotional reasons, my bro and I began questioning what he and I really wanted for ourselves. We came to the realization that we each had our own specific goals. Now we had to work together to find the right compromises that would enable us to move forward.

A living trust takes trust. And good faith.

As co-executors, Mom knew very well how well her kids would work together. This escaped me at the time, as one doesn’t think about such things while a parent is living. Once she was gone, brother and sister had to take the time necessary to reconnect with other and to understand where we were in our individual lives. I commend my Mama for taking action and creating a living trust years ago, as well as for having the faith that her children would do the right thing for themselves and for each other. Her preparation has raised a new awareness of our own lives as we now wish to take care of our own kids as she did for us.

The decision to sell Mom’s house, although not easy, now feels right. When a loved one passes on, give yourself time. Breathe, think, feel, mourn. If there’s real estate involved, even more reason. That property ain’t going anywhere. Decisions should be made with clarity. Other people mean well. They may give advice, feel they are helpful yet not understand your exact situation. Most people believe a simple will will allow heirs to handle the sale of a home. Not true. Depending on the situation it’s very likely “probate” will skim some of the sale profits.  Consider a trust. It’s a gift of legacy. 

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Mom & Paul, (aka, my bro) at 1405
Sometime late 90s
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Mom & Carin 1405 – the circular house:
Sometime late 80s

Surround yourself with trusted advisors, whether they be personal friends or professionals such as a trust attorney, tax consultant and yes, even a Realtor. Shameless plug? You bet. Call it what you will, pretty convicted about this one. Through my own personal experience, the care and compassion I bring to the table are that much stronger, authentic, to the point and undeniably altruistic. Sharing my personal story of Mom – a way to help you, someone you care about, the objective to simply let others know I understand, I care and if need be, will be there to help. 

In the near future, more to share regarding other real estate issues – the purpose, to share, engage and hopefully make one think a little bit, learn a little something.  I make a living helping families find their next home.  A very cool thing. 

Click on link to check out Mom’s house. 🙂

http://animoto.com/play/0EWcemc00DGav96ldzlbZQ

Role of Trustee: Selling a House

Part two in a series regarding death, assets and trusts, from a professional and personal experience point of view.

Mom’s desire upon her death for my brother and me? Co-executors. We work together in tandem, honoring her, her trust, what she would have wanted.

IMG_0811In preparing for sale of Mom’s estate (ok, it’s really a small cozy beach house) in lieu of signing a regular residential listing agreement, brother and I, as trustees, will sign a Trust Listing Agreement (Form TAL). Essentially, brother and I are managers of Mom’s trust, not sole owners of the house. Three parties are involved in the transaction: my bro and I, Mom’s trust and the broker.

I knew avoiding probate would prove positive, though now going through the experience of a trustee sale, more convinced than ever the magnitude of this gift Mom left. This is not to insinuate those going through probate are less than human simply because a trust wasn’t set up preceding death of a loved one. I am suggesting that one seriously consider writing a trust, as probate involves court proceedings, more time and added expense, whereupon a trust eliminates much of that. More cool info *here.

Along with the TLA, California Association or Realtors require a Trust Advisory (Form TA)  This form is “intended to inform Buyer and Seller of their rights and obligations independent of those established by the contract between them.” In other words, for the seller, what’s required, exempt and other considerations based on the trust, whether revocable or irrevocable. For example, sale of a trust is exempt of smoke detectors: “The sale is exempt of the State requirements that, for single family residences, operable smoke detectors be in place and that a written statement of compliance be provided to buyer.”  

Here’s the dealio: trust or not, exempt or not, I’m installing smoke detectors. And I’m gonna make sure ALL disclosures are provided to Buyer. Better for Seller, better for Buyer. Just makes good sense.

Going through this exercise of a trustee sale, I must admit I’m not prepared for my own kids. Granted, my ex and I were on the ball, having written a trust years ago. After the sale of Mom’s house, I’m not certain where or when I’ll purchase another property.  Guaranteed, with an asset such as a home, I will leave my own trust for my children, pass along the gift my Mom gave me.  What I’ve learned thus far, as a trustee and a real estate agent, prepping for the sale of any home, dealing with assets, today and tomorrow is imperative. The rewards of doing research, homework, thinking ahead and working with an advisor or two can eliminate a great deal and add an extra dose of peace in one’s life here on earth.

*For the record, I am not an attorney nor do I play one on TV. Please refer to your attorney for professional consultation.

*For those who need references, please look for that page coming soon to An Uncommon Agent near you soon. Thanks.

The Greatest Gift Upon Death

Part one in a series regarding death, assets and trusts, from a professional and personal experience point of view.

Death – gotta deal with it. Morose, you say? Not at all. It’s reality.

We’re all born, we die, we pay taxes. Not necessarily in that order.

Each time I learn of a person’s death, whether it be one I know or through a friend of mine, I’m reminded death is imminent. Even young people are not exempt. Newsflash, I know, yet most are afraid to confront death. 

The Greatest Gift

When Mom died sixteen months ago, I had no idea how much I would appreciate the greatest gift she gave. Not a house, estate, specific asset, clothing or rare books. It was her trust, her written instructions of her DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) her completed plan and pre-paid cremation. It was her gift of peace. 

Before Mom died, death played little part in my life. My grandparents passed away years ago, that experience a further distance from one’s own parent. I am in a quandary whilst dealing with another family member, not knowing for certain what their plan is. It’s causing anxiety in me. The anxiety stems from little to no cooperation, the hesitation from the family member to share pertinent  information which is necessary  to help them. Why such hesitancy? How much does fear reflect inaction?  If not for the recent experience of Mom’s death, there would be less anxiety, as I now under understand, fully, completely the significance of her gift. 

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 Expect the Unexpected

It was brought to my attention today at my weekly meeting that a colleague’s neighbor passed away last night, completely unexpected. In addition, he was young (mid-forties) and not married though lived for years with his girlfriend. Evidently, no will, trust in place. Of course this is all hearsay, though got me thinking a lot about Mom’s death and my own mortality. 

While married, my husband and I were on the ball regarding a trust. As one was put together for my dad-in-law, he and I wasted no time having the attorney do one for us as well. At the time (almost 10 years ago) I didn’t hesitate having it done, yet didn’t see the value either. As parents of younger kiddos at the time, hubby and I weren’t gonna leave this earth anytime soon. But it made sense at the time, mostly due to simple default: almost a two-for-one. 

Recently divorced, I shall begin the process of having a new trust written up in my own name. No longer dependent on my ex-husband to proceed with such matters, I’m awake, paying attention and taking note of my life – and my death. My children, both adults now, will not be put in a precarious place upon my death. They will experience my death though they will also experience my gift – the gift of peace, protection and love. 

One not need be an old person to confront death. I find the more I deal with this subject straight on, fear diminishes. 

How prepared are you for your loved one’s death? Are they prepared or do they need your assistance? Are you having difficulty helping them confront their own mortality or even discussing the subject of death in general?  Help and resources abound. Where to turn, whom to trust?

Next time, resources and different options in confronting loved one’s regarding death.